By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
