If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize