Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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