I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
God I need to hump something, right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
