She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
