i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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