You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
