her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
