we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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