I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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