Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize