I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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