My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
