I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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