Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
