I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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