If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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