no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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