She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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