I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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