I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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