I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
