dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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