You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
