Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
