Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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