I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
