I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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