Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
