This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
