yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
