4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize