U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
