so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
