That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize