Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
