I'm going to jail i love you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize