i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
