This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
