Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY