We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch