Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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