I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
