Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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