Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
