just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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