I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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