saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
