What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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