Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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