His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
