That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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