operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
