Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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