I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
