Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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