if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
