god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I could fuck to npr.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
